Oh dear...

Sometimes I get myself into these pickles. They aren't extremely complicated and not usually too dangerous either but they certainly make life more annoying than it needs to be. Take my spending habits for example. I really thought I was average, honestly. Until my significantly smarter other points out that I go out for coffee too often, and sometimes I skim way to close to my limit when it's rent time and have to borrow money. It's hard being young and on your own :( Everything seems to be a temptation and even deals aren't real deals to you. Yepp. It's plain and simple, I need to become stingy. Like super stingy. I don't have money to enjoy anything that comes my way, no space for mistakes, no chance to be human. I need a perfect budget.

Money has always been my enemy, I hate it quite a lot. More than I hate the wind, or a humid day where everything feels like it's stuck to you. Money and me, we aren't friends. But unlike those humid days, money never sticks to me. We repel one another. He never leaves me completely alone either. Just giving me enough comfort to live a somewhat over-stressed life. False promises, price increases at every turn... It seems that even if I do try to budget, I only cover the basics. Does that make me irresponsible because I want to try Tim Horton's new flavor of ice capp or maybe get those cute little shoesies I found at the mall on sale?!? Even if maybe I'll have to wait an extra week to pay my phone bill? I don't know... I never thought so until recently...

I thrive on these tiny indulgences. I need that random excitement in my life, that "ohh-maybe-I-shouldn't-be-doing-this" feeling of being just the slightest bit of naughty. :) I don't like doing things that hurt people or myself; I'm not a fan of stealing or cheating but a few scratches and bruises make the bumpy journey through life a little more worth living. And all my life, I've lived that way. I never had the extra cash to put aside for next month and still be able to take a vacation and buy those new shoes and eat a great meal every day. I have always been a person that has to part with one thing or another because of something I want or need. Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's the other, depending on where I am. Sometimes I will pay a bill days late so I can go to a movie or have a drink with a friend. Sometimes I will give up a meal or two so that I can have rent in and still pay for my monthly prescriptions. I never know what life is going to throw at me, so I play with that uncertainty and make it work for me. I've been fine with this through all my years.

My mother did it and we somehow are alive and happy today, just as okay as most other people with ten times the money we grew up with. In a lot of cases, I'd say it made us better people, and maybe others don't think so but what does it matter what others think anyways? I could be better with my money of course, but my life would be a lot more boring and what's the point in living carefully and without fault if you have nothing exciting to tell from it.