Heeeere

OKAY

2nd last entry, I made a big mistake and posted something very personal about a fight I had with my boyfriend... that wasn't really a fight it was more me ranting. And I know that was not the right way to deal with my feelings.

I never even told him about the entry, I just got it out, let anyone online who might come here (all one or possibly 2 of you) read it and then kind of forgot about it. That's what I do, I get it out then block it out. So, the other day, he found the entry and it hurt him a lot that I would rant like that online. I know it was wrong, so why did I do it? Well, I think I partially wasn't thinking and partially not caring. I was so mad...

I want to apologize to Shauno, cuz he didn't deserve for me to post something like that on the INTERNET. That was between me and him, and it is deleted now and the problem is fixed since he finally saw what I was thinking here...

AND ANYWAYS. Tomorrow is his birthday!!! SOOOO I got him some cool presents and junk. :P Me and some friends at school made him a colouring book lmao. It was fun :) Buttt I actually just wanted to write about some funny stuff that happened the past few days that made me laugh so hard I wasn't really laughing. It turned into more of a scream smile. :O YEAH

Sooo I was making Christmas plans with my sister a few nights back (on the phoneeee :P) And I look at Shaun, who's standing by the couch - andddd HE IS MEASURING CLARRICE. hahahahhaaaaa He has a tape measure in one hand and Clarrice's leg in the other and he's just like, "He's really long Temina. I wanted to see how long he was!" LOL And I don't know, it was so weird and awesome that I just burst out laughing. I love his randomness. Everything about him is so strange and new to me, it's beautiful. And I don't know why for a while there I was only writing about the bad... I would regret that later, I mean, it's a good way to let your feelings out but it doesn't need to be made PUBLIC or even kept at all. It's meant as an outsource for the feelings instead of say, drinking or screaming or yelling at your boyfriend saying things you don't mean. My angry writings should be kept to myself.

:P

Umm. Yesterday orrr the day before, I forget which but YEAH. Shaun ran into me in the kitchen, kind of pretending to run to give me a hug but just stomach butted me and I tried to avoid it and jumped back and scraped my back on the counter lol. That's kind of funny in itself, but I got a little mad even though it was my fault and so he scrambled around to find a solution just mumbling to me to "SHHHH" and "beano beano it's ok!" lol He went into the fridge and grabbed the yogurt and then got a spoon and started feeding me yogurt faster than I could eat it, like it would stop my pain. Anddd I pretty much just laughed so hard that I forgot about my back. And got some yogurt up my nose, which is super awesome anyways. :)

I just love that he's mine, and that we can get past things that bug us about each other. He's friggin awesome... And it's hard to believe he cares about me so much that he wants to make sure I'm happy. :)

There's a few more things I may as well write since I am here, even though I NEED to work on my essay really soon cuz it's due Thursday and I work tomorrow and I have other homework but I'm a slacker and haven't even started a few things and it's almost Christmas but Hoarders is on which I've wanted to watch for a while but I always miss it and oh crap it's a MARATHON of Hoarders and now I have to get ready for bed soon cuz the night's almost over. :O *Takes a deep breath* WOW

So I met with my old friend Angela, from Katana Marketing. :) She wants to hire me once she opens her business. It's internet based, but there would be a lot of event planning, and head hunting for companies to find THEM the perfect candidates and she loved my enthusiasm and effort that she saw in me at Katana even though I stayed for just a week. I consider that a pretty cool compliment. She is a determined, organized, independent young lady and I believe she can go places and for her to want me with her on that is awesome!!! We will see where that goes :P I still have to figure out what I am doing for school in the next few years.

I'm excited for the semester to end so I can go see my family for Christmas and visit with my much loved friends in Marathon. But also, for next semester to START!! Now that I sort of know what's expected of me, I want to do hardcore awesome in all my courses which I know won't be so easy but I'm still excited :)

OK nowww it's definitely time to go. House is on soon!!! I MEAN I will be obediently typing my essay :P

goodnight Blog. It's nice to feel good.

-Temina

yo

http://smartdictionary.webs.com/

That's my homie Andrea Duff's website. Her comics are so amazing. GO THERE. Give her some lovvvvveeee whatever the eff that means. I think these should be t-shirts what do you think???

Umm yeah So everything's cool now. But I must copy n paste this story I just told Leslie about my morning: AHEM

this one guy today made me shit my pants and i was by myself

TOM-MEAN-UGH @ 9:43

he was walking towards mewhen i was at a bus stop but the sun was jus coming up so it was right in his face so he was squinting... okay, so picture a squinting, slightly chubby chinese guy, with really really bad horse-like teeth.

9:44

he had his mouth with his lips sticking out like a horse too, like it was helping him see better, and while he walked he had his arms swinging up soo high LOL

9:44

i couldnt help but laugh, i saw him yesterday too, so a second time doing the same thing was just too much

oh man. SOME PEOPLE. geeze. well that's my story for the dayyyy

HEY check out my dailybooth... since I'm falling for all these addicting social networking sites now :P http://www.dailybooth.com/Treemina

:)

Okay bye.

I'm like a time bomb.

f

almost halloween!!!!

WOW It's been too long since I've blogged. But ALAS homework has eatin my free time like free candy on HALLOWEEN. Which I just found my costume for by the way. I'm gonna be a crazy disco girl. I love it so much I want to put it on again hehehehe I'll take plenty of pictures. So I swore to myself I would do homework all evening... And since noon, I have done 2 hours of homework. I'm going out of town this weekend too so I won't have a whole lot of time for anything that takes sitting still and concentration...

I'm off to visit my mom and sister, Hannah!!! We are going to Hamilton to see this thing called Acquire the Fire. It's a huge Christian thinger... For teens and young adults mostly. There's gonna be some bands there... and speakers and skits and such. Could be a wholeee lot of fun. Hannah has been looking forward to this for so long so I knew I couldn't let her down. <3>

I have to start spending more time on homework, even though I feel like that's all I do, I waste so much time. Like right now!!! But if I wasn't on HERE, I'd be on facebook... or on my new-found site called DailyBooth!!!! Where you post a pic and people comment and blaw blaw blaw SOOO addicting!!! I already had a face making contest with some random girl and told another random girl a bed time story I made up on the spot. lol Loveeesss it. :P

ANYWAYS My cat, Tucker, has poo stuck to his butt so I have to go clean the poor thing. WHYYY do I have a retarded cat??! lol <3>

Oh geeze I'm in such a good mood today. Should have seen the dance party I had with myself earlier. :)

-Beansprouts/Treemina

interesting...

I did some quiz and wanted to post the results so I can look back and see how I feel about them later...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Modelling Portfolio. I'm so vain, I bet I think this song is about me!

I'm good. Am I not?

I'd Like You To Meet....

The circus of freaks I call my brain. :) It took some coaxing and bribes but I got them to let me take their picture so FEEL PRIVILEGED :)

Umm... this is Shit-in-your-coffee Beckeh. I mean, she's cool and all... But don't get on her bad side or she'll.. you know, shit in your coffee.

To the right here is Betsy Sue. She's the jolly one, always making jokes. She's light-hearted and oh so loveable!! No way can you not like her.

This is our pet dragon, Belphegor, Lord of the I'll-put-you-in-debt monsters.

We bought her on Ebay.

Next, meet Sour Suzy. She swallowed a lemon candy when she was little and got stuck like this. Also as a result, her eyebrows perma-lifted. Sorry Suzy! But we still love you!!!

They're a big part of my production team. So, I thought they deserve a warm welcome to my blog!!

See? Now I'm fine.

It felt so good to wake up this morning with the one I love and make him breakfast since he slept in even though I woke him up like 4 times :P ( I shouldn't talk, I never get up the first, second or third time the alarm goes off) He kissed my head and told me how cute I was in my stupid little dress I sleep in and with my hair in a curly messy pile all over the place. I smiled and made him a bagel. It's funny and strange how stupid things that make me cry at night don't matter during the day. They don't matter in the morning or even when I have time to dwell on them. Just at night or when something stresses me out. Those are the times when it gets to me...
OH My smart cousin just explained it haha I've desensitized myself to it probably. Yeah, that's not good. I will have to get on that seeing a counsellor idea... but I really haven't had time. I go to school, have an hr or 2 to get to work, do homework at night and do it all over again.
But right now, I'm okay. A little hungry, but feeling okay enough. Work was good, felt nice to talk to everyone there. I like how welcomed I always feel. Even on the stressful days I like it. :)
Anyways, I have a project to finish anddd I have to figure out a way to sleep ALONE since he's sleeping out tonight!!!
SO BYE

:(

:'(

Not too Sure.

I just finished reading my friend Tiffy poo's blog. And when I reread what I wrote back, it made me sort of depressed:

"I know how you feel. It's like you feel something just isn't right in your life even when things seem normal and okay. I do that a lot. And trying to figure it out upsets me more because of all the possibilities of things I'm doing wrong and decisions I could have made with some common sense in mind. It's like I live to point out my every mistake and I never know how to fix them. lovely. "

I think I'm generally a happy person. Well content. Content enough. I mean, I live with the love of my life now, but since moving in together we've been having the stupidest fights. They're over things like my cats (which are getting to be a problem in our relationship since I keep ignoring him when he tells me to find a new place for them) and him not liking any of the clothes I buy anddd forgetting to wipe the counter after I make something... I feel like I'm too dirty for him or too poor or not organized and perfect enough. But he says I am perfect for him and I know these things we fight about aren't huge deals but I just wish he liked something that I like. When he comes home, I feel like I need to turn off my music because he thinks everything I listen to is dumb and I hate hearing him ask what kind of garbage it is I have on today. It feels degrading. He told me not to bother asking his opinion on anything then, and I feel sort of crappy now... I want him to come with me clothes shopping or something because then I could show him what stuff looks like on so he realizes it isn't a piece of trash. UGH. Anyways, he never apologizes (I'm thinking it's because he says I apologize to much so he's compromising) but he does come and hug me and tell me he loves me and that whatever we were fighting about doesn't matter. So we never come to a conclusion or close our fights. We just forget it. I believe it's damaging because we hold grudges and make assumptions about why the other one never talked to you whenever or whatever...

I really do love him, and it's so hard between school and work to make sure things are on a good path. I feel like he never wants to talk to me because we don't agree on so many things. Please don't say "then why are you dating him??" Because I know I rant a lot on here but it's because it's when I'm upset that I need to get my anger out. When I feel fine and happy I write in my journal or I'm busy spending time with my potato man or something. ANYWAYS. Life's a huge pile of garbage, you have to root through it to find something maybe worth keeping or at least using to your advantage.

Gonna Beat a Hooker to Release My Anger.

HEY!! I wish we could smoke large hookahs full of happiness today and by we I mean me. I'm just having a miserable day.

It started out fine until I opened my homework and since then everything I touch turns to garbage. I'm serious I tried to do my self portrait and I started crying because I can't stand looking at myself for that long, not to mention I had to stand in the bathroom and do it so I was frustrated with our lack of mirrors. And so I tried to draw Shaun and he really tried to sit there but he's too busy doing his own homework so I couldn't get ANYWHERE because he couldn't look at me for more than like 10 seconds at a time which made it impossible. So I pulled out the one piece of homework I did finish and turns out, I did it wrong so I got pissed and tore it up and now I'm back to NOTHING and I have so much due tomorrow and I just hate everything and wish I didn't take such a bullshit course. If this was math and english or something, I would be fine because I wouldn't be judging myself so much.

I just am sooo fucking tired of hating myself and my work. I have a serious problem probably. And I don't feel like talking to some bullshit counsellor to help me.

Oh it feels good to get that out. Even though I'm sure it's nothing anyone wants to hear from my innocent little mouth err fingertips. I'm really frustrated with what is probably the easiest course in college and knowing how stupidly kindergartenish this course really is makes me even more angry that I can't do it because I just feel so stupid I want to die. I can NOT concentrate and I suddenly feel so negative that I feel like nothing will change how bad I'm doing. I SUCK!!!! I need some kind of stress reliever. A massage or a new brain might help.

ACHOO!

Achoo ACHOO ACHOO! Frig, i can't stop sneezing. My loverly boyfriend of a robot gave me his cold. It was very kind of him, to share I mean. He's not a very good sharer when it comes to food or his computer, butttt with illness, he doesn't mind at all.

So I worked in the dusty Value Village today and it didn't help at all. I was sneezing all day and I was so plugged up and my eyes were watery, I looked like I was crying alll shift. Awesome, I know.

WELL. I just feel like saying how happy I am. With who I'm with and just how awesome our relationship is going right now. :) Never thought I could be so in love with a Spaun Prowler. He's sweet though. Just like, we shit our pants laughing all the time and have so much fun just being together, leaving each other dumb little notes and whatever. Like today my bra was sitting out so I drew eyes on sticky notes and taped them to it and made a little face out of it and just left it on his computer desk :) Fun stuff like that. But that's all you get to hear about. That's our own little world that not even my blog fans can read about MUHAHAHAHHA

Ummm I don't have any clever thoughts to ponder out loud so I guess this is it for now. I'lll work on blogging more regularly, keep it updated, letcha know how school is going and how drunk I am or am not ;) OKAY all you 1 or 2 people who have looked at this!?

Look forward to telling you all about my private life that you care nothing about

Peace out girl scouts.

it's been a while! Oops :)

SO Lots is new since we last spoke. I started college today, since the last 2 days were spent in Montreal at a Killswitch/ In Flames concert. Which went AWESOME!! And I'm so glad I spent my last paycheque on a new camera, since the videos are sweeeet!!! Had a good time, and was only slightly guilty I missed my first 2 college classes because of it.

Kind of in a pissy mood right now, but I'll try my best to just write what I want to write, sorry if there's a crap vibe to it.

First things first, creepers on the way to class. I was on the bus and I felt something brush up against my head, so I turned around and this guy sitting behind me asked me what time it was, so I thought maybe he had just tried to get my attention that way. Nope, after I told him he smiled and said "You have beautiful hair, do you do it yourself?" And I said "Yeah, thanks." and turned back around. But then he said, "Can I touch it again?" And I kind of was like wtf and said "umm No, you can't" But he reached out and tried to run his hand through my hair soooo I moved away from there, and yeah, was getting off the bus the next stop. I should have told the bus driver or something but I don't know. I'm just never prepared for those weird situations so I never end up doing the right thing. Oh well. Friggin creepers!!!! Geeze. Moving on!

Classes went okay. I had one this morning, english. Teacher seems alright and same with the kids. Then a lovely 6 hour break and back this evening for a short 5-6 class just about directing us in the right direction since this is supposed to be a course for like prerequisite to design courses likeeee graphic design, industrial design, photography, whatever. We'll see how the year goes, I still have no idea what I want to be doing... Guess I have lots of time.

Crap, there were some other things I wanted to write. BUT I suppose I will come back when I find them in my messy brain. :)

BYE

afterthoughts

A ritual where people gather to be upset, and just cry in a room together for hours... is the most depressing thing I can possibly imagine. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I might end up running out of the church and leaving. Those kind of things scare me so much... I almost said to death.. :( Which makes me wanna cry even more. My first funeral. A first I never wanted to have.

Sad

Katja passed away yesterday, 3pm. She was a good friend of my family and such a sweet and strong person. I knew it was going to happen, she had cancer. But still, I can't believe it... I visited her when I was in Marathon for Selina's graduation and got to say goodbye and even then, I couldn't stop thinking that it would be the last time I ever saw her.

I've never been to a funeral before, hers will be my first. I'm traveling to Marathon with my mom and sister to be there and it will be a long and trying trip. It's so sad that I get to go back to Marathon, like I wanted, but just for that reason. I feel so nervous and achy right now. My heart is pounding, and I've felt anxious all day. I thought I would be sick at work. Trying to learn how the tills work and the order of things when all I could think about is this random trip I'm taking.

I usually love surprises, I love spontaneous road trips and taking time off work but not under these circumstances obviously. I can't help but feel someone was like " Here, you got what you wanted, your second trip to Marathon in a summer, happy now?" :(

I won't be seeing my friends there, except Tiff most likely. No matter our distance, we're still close as ever and I want to see her at least. My other sister is an obvious one, and this will be the first time the 4 of us (mom, 2 sisters and I) will be together at the same time in over 4 years. I can't believe it.

And my boyfriend. I have to leave him again for 4 days or so. We haven't seen a whole lot of each other because of opposite shifts and just yesterday I went out to see my girlfriend. We were downtown for a few hours, on his one day off and I said, nooo don't worry about it. I'll see you all weekend. I know that shouldn't be a huge deal but it just adds to my anxiety right now. I feel terrible for not spending all the time I can with him. Especially since we've been disagreeing on so many things lately... You know, I love him so much... and sometimes I wonder if I'm a stress on him, or if I bicker too much. And I freak out over it, I really don't mean to upset him and maybe I don't as much as I think I do but who knows, maybe time away is good too. Well, of course it is sometimes but I hope this trip is okay... I don't even know what I'm ranting about anymore.

I guess this is just a way to release a bit of my shakiness. I wish he wasn't at work! I'm going to get the house nice and clean and the cats all prepared for him so he doesn't have to do a lot of work... And yeah, I'm gonna go. Just needed to let that out.

Oh dear...

Sometimes I get myself into these pickles. They aren't extremely complicated and not usually too dangerous either but they certainly make life more annoying than it needs to be. Take my spending habits for example. I really thought I was average, honestly. Until my significantly smarter other points out that I go out for coffee too often, and sometimes I skim way to close to my limit when it's rent time and have to borrow money. It's hard being young and on your own :( Everything seems to be a temptation and even deals aren't real deals to you. Yepp. It's plain and simple, I need to become stingy. Like super stingy. I don't have money to enjoy anything that comes my way, no space for mistakes, no chance to be human. I need a perfect budget.

Money has always been my enemy, I hate it quite a lot. More than I hate the wind, or a humid day where everything feels like it's stuck to you. Money and me, we aren't friends. But unlike those humid days, money never sticks to me. We repel one another. He never leaves me completely alone either. Just giving me enough comfort to live a somewhat over-stressed life. False promises, price increases at every turn... It seems that even if I do try to budget, I only cover the basics. Does that make me irresponsible because I want to try Tim Horton's new flavor of ice capp or maybe get those cute little shoesies I found at the mall on sale?!? Even if maybe I'll have to wait an extra week to pay my phone bill? I don't know... I never thought so until recently...

I thrive on these tiny indulgences. I need that random excitement in my life, that "ohh-maybe-I-shouldn't-be-doing-this" feeling of being just the slightest bit of naughty. :) I don't like doing things that hurt people or myself; I'm not a fan of stealing or cheating but a few scratches and bruises make the bumpy journey through life a little more worth living. And all my life, I've lived that way. I never had the extra cash to put aside for next month and still be able to take a vacation and buy those new shoes and eat a great meal every day. I have always been a person that has to part with one thing or another because of something I want or need. Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's the other, depending on where I am. Sometimes I will pay a bill days late so I can go to a movie or have a drink with a friend. Sometimes I will give up a meal or two so that I can have rent in and still pay for my monthly prescriptions. I never know what life is going to throw at me, so I play with that uncertainty and make it work for me. I've been fine with this through all my years.

My mother did it and we somehow are alive and happy today, just as okay as most other people with ten times the money we grew up with. In a lot of cases, I'd say it made us better people, and maybe others don't think so but what does it matter what others think anyways? I could be better with my money of course, but my life would be a lot more boring and what's the point in living carefully and without fault if you have nothing exciting to tell from it.

Hired!

I got the job!! I'm an employee at Value Village starting Wednesday morning. I was in the car, between houses with my old boss and I had voicemail so I checked and returned the call :) And YES!! She had given me a great reference too, she told him he doesn't even need to think about it, he should just hire me because I'm so awesome. lol She said that tooooo which made my day.

I got a lot done today and it feels so good when I do that. I worked this morning, an easy 60 bucks in cash, which just about brings me up to making rent for the end of the month (I work with her one more time tomorrow so I should be good :P) and even though won't be able to afford a bus pass this month, that's okay. I'll just go where I need to go. Maybe even sometimes walking there. I mean, work is so close but it's still a 40 minute walk. I did the usual boring routine chores. The vacuuming, dishes and laundry. Did some photoshop, took a nap, and it's just 9:30 now.

I'm almost done my painting now, and I might work on it a bit tonight but I'm tired, and haven't EATEN yet!!! Here's what t looks like so far...The photobooth webcam doesn't do it much justice. frig. Okay... time to go.

Rain and Paint

:) Soooo Today was wonderful in it's own little way... bahaha Who talks like that. But really, it was. I slept until 1pm with my boyfriend because HE couldn't sleep last night and kept waking me up! That strange man of mine. He tries to pick my nose sometimes when I'm sleeping and doing other nice things like that. But it didn't matter. When he falls asleep facing away from me then wakes up to pull me under his arm, it's so nice that I don't even care what time it is anymore.

The day was supposed to go a little like this: Wake up before noon. Head down to some bike shops then eat some late lunch at Sweet Basil so he can go straight to work from there. After which I would pick up juice, milk and kitty litter and come home to clean and paint and finish 2 photoshop lessons. Then I planned to write a little bit until Shaun got home.
Needless to say, we never made it to any bike shops or cute little Thai food restaurants. We stayed in anddd I spent time youtubing and facebooking while he programmed. I did do my chores though :P And I'm just taking a tiny break from painting.

This painting, man!! I started it, oh... 2 months ago. It sat under our coffee table for the past month and 3 and a half weeks. It's going to be a replica of a picture my boyfriend took when he went to the States last summer. It's gorgeous. It's taken in Arizona and his photography skills just seem to be perfect when you're considering this particular picture. I love the small mountains on either side. There's a road running in from the left hand side up the middle of the photo and yeah- it's just lovely. I guess I'll have to post it when it's all done. Who knows when that could be though, this is my first time getting back to it in a while. I have a big procrastination problem, which I have probably already mentioned in one of my other posts that I probably wrote while putting off doing something else. :)

Now it's raining out, or was until about 3 minutes ago. It usually is. Puts me in a good mood though :P Such a relaxing sound. There's a pool where we live here and everytime I do get in the mood for a swim, it rains. So I haven't used the pool yet. But HEY why should a little rain stop me? Oh yeah, because I find a way to turn most things into excuses. hehh Lovely trait I possess.

So today was relaxing other than carrying 40 lbs of kitty litter to a bus stop that was just a 5 minute longer walk than I would have liked... andddd yeah. A bit more coffee and/or tea and it's bedtime for me. :)

Probably Got the Job!!

I had my second interview today at Value Village and I'm pretty sure I got the job :) I had to answer all these "Tell me about a time when" questions. Those were fun. lol But I made him laugh and had decent answers for the most part.
I'm surprised too because an hour earlier I was almost in tears about O.S.A.P. Gahh SO GAY. I probably won't get any money from them because a) I'm a dependent student because I took a year off school and b) my mom and dad don't make enough to put me through school?! I thought that's what OSAP was FOR!!! What the eff is this shitty system anyways??! Well, I have an appointment with my "case worker" or whatever the eff you wanna call her. She called herself that in the letter. So we will see how that goes on Monday. Frig. FRIG. I would just like it if for a while, my life went smoothly. But I guess that would be boring.

Anyone else notice the constant shitty weather? Not that anyone reads these yet, but holy crap, where's summer? It's rainy or clouded over for the most part. Then suddenly it's so humid you can't breathe outside... or so I find :P I'm not made for hot weather anyways so what am I complaining about!!

I have a few options for weekend plans and it's Friday afternoon and I still haven't decided.
I could sit at home and relax and write blogs and make photoshop pictures anddd what else? Umm sleep a lot and take a bath or 3 with TEA. :) Or I could go camping with my cousin and her man. lol Which would be fun except the shitty weather, but then again, that could make it even more interesting... but then I wouldn't see my boyfriend all weekend. But I would have free beer because I'm too poor to buy my own! And I would go real camping haha. I've only been camping once. At Rainbow Falls like 6 years ago or something ridiculous like that. We had a camper, movies and full meals, so it wasn't really camping. My cousin's into naturey stuff so we would really be roughing it the whole weekend. It would be an awesome experience though. Oh dear, before I wrote this I had kind of decided to stay home just because... But now I'm wondering what I should do. OH DEAR!

I wonder if anyone's even interested in any of this stuff that I'm writing about. I mean so far, I haven't said much, just chilling in my thoughts, not even my interesting ones. But I love reading those books that are layed out like that. Just a person, thinking about stuff, going about their daily lives. And you get to read how they think. You get to follow along and see how simple lives can still be so breathtaking. If I could make a reader feel that way, I will have completed my goal. And I know I have that in me, it's just that as soon as I sit down to type, a lot of my thoughts fall apart. I may start jotting stuff to write about so that I'm not wingin it :P Wingin it like a freakin ostrich.. doesn't.. since they have tiny wings. And they probably are such insignificant little things (the wings, not the giant birds idioths) that it just isn't right to refer to them when you use the term "wingin it". Is that even a term? YES.

Okay bye

A good Dayy :)

I had an interview at Value Village today!! I believe it went well, I have a second one tomorrow actually. I would love to work there. No uniform, laid back job, nice people, I mean for minimum wage that's all you can ask for really :)

I'm feeling a lot better than I was those past few days. I got some things done, like finishing up my functional resume even though I may not need to hand a single one out now :P And keeping up with house chores and all that junk. The only thing pissing me off lately is Clarrice. My darling cat. He has been so demanding lately I actually slapped him the other day. Not an abusive slap, just a shut-the-eff-up-or-you'll-get-an-abusive-slap type slap :) He just always wants attention and I know I've been out a lot but why can't he just chillll like Tucker? My other amazingly lazy cat.
Friggin cats.

I have some hopes and dreams for the rest of the summer. And yes, you're gonna hear about them right now. I want to go to Wonderland for one. I need to feel like a kid again for a day. I am craving a rollercoaster or 2. It would complete my summer. Two: I want to start my freaking book. I mean actually start it. As much as I seem to adore procrastination, nothing is getting anywhere until I get a real outline done up and then type like mad. I have every idea on paper, or a whole bunch anyways but that doesn't count for much. THREE: Stop this money stressing madness. I want to make just more than enough to pay all my costs and junk so that I don't need to call relatives anymore at the end of the month when I can't buy my bus pass or pay all the rent!

Haha I get so excited about things that my mind turns to mush sometimes and then the things that I get excited about are ruined. It works. Like when I'm so super pumped that an interview went well that I stop handing out resumes. And then never get a call back. And then have wasted a week or so not looking for work. That sucks. lol OR or.. when I plan things like writing a BOOK for example *rolls eyes* and I'm so excited that I can't sit at a computer with a new document open because it just sits there still empty while a billion ideas go through my mind and suddenly an hour has passed with me daydreaming about what could write instead of writing it and then I have to move on to other things. HA

Well, that was just a random thought, I actually forget how that fits into anything else I mentioned but I shall go now. My tummy's grumblin and my potato of a boyfriend will be home shortly :)

A Tuesday

Well, I slept in again until just about noon... I should have been out job hunting again but after 3 weeks it just gets so irritating. It's impossible to stay motivated, and I'm thinking, well I have casual work, maybe that's enough for me to skip the resume's today. I work at a call center downtown but it's slow in the summer, like one 5-hour shift a week slow... And my old boss keeps calling me. That's another thing. I quit this cleaning job like 3 weeks ago and last week she needed me Tuesday to Thursday. I quit because it was hurting my wrists, might have tendinitis and the doctor's told me to get out of that job as soon as I could, so I did. But when she called, I was really in a bind for cash. So, I figured that was a good excuse not to job hunt most of the week. Whatever.

Me and my boyfriend are supposed to go downtown to check out the new Apple store, even though I already went twice. But I'm waiting for him to finish something on his website. It's pretty much his life right now. And I knew living together would mean less quality time together but I can't help but feel crappy anyways sometimes. I just hope my outlook turns around soon because I hate when I go through these low times. It's like a season of sadness and just negativity that I can't seem to avoid... only hide; then suddenly it will lift, and I'll feel so good about everything, filled with a hope that came from nowhere and I'm always left wondering how I get form one to the other. What's my trigger?


Anyways this doesn't seem to make much sense. So we'll leave it at this.

the introduction

Well, this is totally new to me so I guess I should introduce myself first.

I'm 20 years old, we won't bother with my name for now. It's not really important. I'm starting a blog first off to sort my thoughts a bit. Also because I want other people to tell me how boring/interesting I am, whichever that may be. I'm a terribly complex person when it really comes down to it, but I have this thing where I try and portray myself as simple and normal and functional. I drive myself crazy over thinking things and you wouldn't believe the thoughts that go through my head when I'm in these mind blowing, time-consuming... daydreams I guess you could call them.

I'm a person who tries to please others at all costs sometimes. It can be a great thing and it can be such a downfall and a very emotionally draining problem. I've never bothered putting some of these things down into words, until now. And I hope this will help me progress as a writer and a thinker, and a person in general.

You can just call me Tree... that's what they usually do anyways.