See? Now I'm fine.

It felt so good to wake up this morning with the one I love and make him breakfast since he slept in even though I woke him up like 4 times :P ( I shouldn't talk, I never get up the first, second or third time the alarm goes off) He kissed my head and told me how cute I was in my stupid little dress I sleep in and with my hair in a curly messy pile all over the place. I smiled and made him a bagel. It's funny and strange how stupid things that make me cry at night don't matter during the day. They don't matter in the morning or even when I have time to dwell on them. Just at night or when something stresses me out. Those are the times when it gets to me...
OH My smart cousin just explained it haha I've desensitized myself to it probably. Yeah, that's not good. I will have to get on that seeing a counsellor idea... but I really haven't had time. I go to school, have an hr or 2 to get to work, do homework at night and do it all over again.
But right now, I'm okay. A little hungry, but feeling okay enough. Work was good, felt nice to talk to everyone there. I like how welcomed I always feel. Even on the stressful days I like it. :)
Anyways, I have a project to finish anddd I have to figure out a way to sleep ALONE since he's sleeping out tonight!!!
SO BYE

:(

:'(

Not too Sure.

I just finished reading my friend Tiffy poo's blog. And when I reread what I wrote back, it made me sort of depressed:

"I know how you feel. It's like you feel something just isn't right in your life even when things seem normal and okay. I do that a lot. And trying to figure it out upsets me more because of all the possibilities of things I'm doing wrong and decisions I could have made with some common sense in mind. It's like I live to point out my every mistake and I never know how to fix them. lovely. "

I think I'm generally a happy person. Well content. Content enough. I mean, I live with the love of my life now, but since moving in together we've been having the stupidest fights. They're over things like my cats (which are getting to be a problem in our relationship since I keep ignoring him when he tells me to find a new place for them) and him not liking any of the clothes I buy anddd forgetting to wipe the counter after I make something... I feel like I'm too dirty for him or too poor or not organized and perfect enough. But he says I am perfect for him and I know these things we fight about aren't huge deals but I just wish he liked something that I like. When he comes home, I feel like I need to turn off my music because he thinks everything I listen to is dumb and I hate hearing him ask what kind of garbage it is I have on today. It feels degrading. He told me not to bother asking his opinion on anything then, and I feel sort of crappy now... I want him to come with me clothes shopping or something because then I could show him what stuff looks like on so he realizes it isn't a piece of trash. UGH. Anyways, he never apologizes (I'm thinking it's because he says I apologize to much so he's compromising) but he does come and hug me and tell me he loves me and that whatever we were fighting about doesn't matter. So we never come to a conclusion or close our fights. We just forget it. I believe it's damaging because we hold grudges and make assumptions about why the other one never talked to you whenever or whatever...

I really do love him, and it's so hard between school and work to make sure things are on a good path. I feel like he never wants to talk to me because we don't agree on so many things. Please don't say "then why are you dating him??" Because I know I rant a lot on here but it's because it's when I'm upset that I need to get my anger out. When I feel fine and happy I write in my journal or I'm busy spending time with my potato man or something. ANYWAYS. Life's a huge pile of garbage, you have to root through it to find something maybe worth keeping or at least using to your advantage.

Gonna Beat a Hooker to Release My Anger.

HEY!! I wish we could smoke large hookahs full of happiness today and by we I mean me. I'm just having a miserable day.

It started out fine until I opened my homework and since then everything I touch turns to garbage. I'm serious I tried to do my self portrait and I started crying because I can't stand looking at myself for that long, not to mention I had to stand in the bathroom and do it so I was frustrated with our lack of mirrors. And so I tried to draw Shaun and he really tried to sit there but he's too busy doing his own homework so I couldn't get ANYWHERE because he couldn't look at me for more than like 10 seconds at a time which made it impossible. So I pulled out the one piece of homework I did finish and turns out, I did it wrong so I got pissed and tore it up and now I'm back to NOTHING and I have so much due tomorrow and I just hate everything and wish I didn't take such a bullshit course. If this was math and english or something, I would be fine because I wouldn't be judging myself so much.

I just am sooo fucking tired of hating myself and my work. I have a serious problem probably. And I don't feel like talking to some bullshit counsellor to help me.

Oh it feels good to get that out. Even though I'm sure it's nothing anyone wants to hear from my innocent little mouth err fingertips. I'm really frustrated with what is probably the easiest course in college and knowing how stupidly kindergartenish this course really is makes me even more angry that I can't do it because I just feel so stupid I want to die. I can NOT concentrate and I suddenly feel so negative that I feel like nothing will change how bad I'm doing. I SUCK!!!! I need some kind of stress reliever. A massage or a new brain might help.

ACHOO!

Achoo ACHOO ACHOO! Frig, i can't stop sneezing. My loverly boyfriend of a robot gave me his cold. It was very kind of him, to share I mean. He's not a very good sharer when it comes to food or his computer, butttt with illness, he doesn't mind at all.

So I worked in the dusty Value Village today and it didn't help at all. I was sneezing all day and I was so plugged up and my eyes were watery, I looked like I was crying alll shift. Awesome, I know.

WELL. I just feel like saying how happy I am. With who I'm with and just how awesome our relationship is going right now. :) Never thought I could be so in love with a Spaun Prowler. He's sweet though. Just like, we shit our pants laughing all the time and have so much fun just being together, leaving each other dumb little notes and whatever. Like today my bra was sitting out so I drew eyes on sticky notes and taped them to it and made a little face out of it and just left it on his computer desk :) Fun stuff like that. But that's all you get to hear about. That's our own little world that not even my blog fans can read about MUHAHAHAHHA

Ummm I don't have any clever thoughts to ponder out loud so I guess this is it for now. I'lll work on blogging more regularly, keep it updated, letcha know how school is going and how drunk I am or am not ;) OKAY all you 1 or 2 people who have looked at this!?

Look forward to telling you all about my private life that you care nothing about

Peace out girl scouts.

it's been a while! Oops :)

SO Lots is new since we last spoke. I started college today, since the last 2 days were spent in Montreal at a Killswitch/ In Flames concert. Which went AWESOME!! And I'm so glad I spent my last paycheque on a new camera, since the videos are sweeeet!!! Had a good time, and was only slightly guilty I missed my first 2 college classes because of it.

Kind of in a pissy mood right now, but I'll try my best to just write what I want to write, sorry if there's a crap vibe to it.

First things first, creepers on the way to class. I was on the bus and I felt something brush up against my head, so I turned around and this guy sitting behind me asked me what time it was, so I thought maybe he had just tried to get my attention that way. Nope, after I told him he smiled and said "You have beautiful hair, do you do it yourself?" And I said "Yeah, thanks." and turned back around. But then he said, "Can I touch it again?" And I kind of was like wtf and said "umm No, you can't" But he reached out and tried to run his hand through my hair soooo I moved away from there, and yeah, was getting off the bus the next stop. I should have told the bus driver or something but I don't know. I'm just never prepared for those weird situations so I never end up doing the right thing. Oh well. Friggin creepers!!!! Geeze. Moving on!

Classes went okay. I had one this morning, english. Teacher seems alright and same with the kids. Then a lovely 6 hour break and back this evening for a short 5-6 class just about directing us in the right direction since this is supposed to be a course for like prerequisite to design courses likeeee graphic design, industrial design, photography, whatever. We'll see how the year goes, I still have no idea what I want to be doing... Guess I have lots of time.

Crap, there were some other things I wanted to write. BUT I suppose I will come back when I find them in my messy brain. :)

BYE