Not too Sure.

I just finished reading my friend Tiffy poo's blog. And when I reread what I wrote back, it made me sort of depressed:

"I know how you feel. It's like you feel something just isn't right in your life even when things seem normal and okay. I do that a lot. And trying to figure it out upsets me more because of all the possibilities of things I'm doing wrong and decisions I could have made with some common sense in mind. It's like I live to point out my every mistake and I never know how to fix them. lovely. "

I think I'm generally a happy person. Well content. Content enough. I mean, I live with the love of my life now, but since moving in together we've been having the stupidest fights. They're over things like my cats (which are getting to be a problem in our relationship since I keep ignoring him when he tells me to find a new place for them) and him not liking any of the clothes I buy anddd forgetting to wipe the counter after I make something... I feel like I'm too dirty for him or too poor or not organized and perfect enough. But he says I am perfect for him and I know these things we fight about aren't huge deals but I just wish he liked something that I like. When he comes home, I feel like I need to turn off my music because he thinks everything I listen to is dumb and I hate hearing him ask what kind of garbage it is I have on today. It feels degrading. He told me not to bother asking his opinion on anything then, and I feel sort of crappy now... I want him to come with me clothes shopping or something because then I could show him what stuff looks like on so he realizes it isn't a piece of trash. UGH. Anyways, he never apologizes (I'm thinking it's because he says I apologize to much so he's compromising) but he does come and hug me and tell me he loves me and that whatever we were fighting about doesn't matter. So we never come to a conclusion or close our fights. We just forget it. I believe it's damaging because we hold grudges and make assumptions about why the other one never talked to you whenever or whatever...

I really do love him, and it's so hard between school and work to make sure things are on a good path. I feel like he never wants to talk to me because we don't agree on so many things. Please don't say "then why are you dating him??" Because I know I rant a lot on here but it's because it's when I'm upset that I need to get my anger out. When I feel fine and happy I write in my journal or I'm busy spending time with my potato man or something. ANYWAYS. Life's a huge pile of garbage, you have to root through it to find something maybe worth keeping or at least using to your advantage.