It started out fine until I opened my homework and since then everything I touch turns to garbage. I'm serious I tried to do my self portrait and I started crying because I can't stand looking at myself for that long, not to mention I had to stand in the bathroom and do it so I was frustrated with our lack of mirrors. And so I tried to draw Shaun and he really tried to sit there but he's too busy doing his own homework so I couldn't get ANYWHERE because he couldn't look at me for more than like 10 seconds at a time which made it impossible. So I pulled out the one piece of homework I did finish and turns out, I did it wrong so I got pissed and tore it up and now I'm back to NOTHING and I have so much due tomorrow and I just hate everything and wish I didn't take such a bullshit course. If this was math and english or something, I would be fine because I wouldn't be judging myself so much.
I just am sooo fucking tired of hating myself and my work. I have a serious problem probably. And I don't feel like talking to some bullshit counsellor to help me.
Oh it feels good to get that out. Even though I'm sure it's nothing anyone wants to hear from my innocent little mouth err fingertips. I'm really frustrated with what is probably the easiest course in college and knowing how stupidly kindergartenish this course really is makes me even more angry that I can't do it because I just feel so stupid I want to die. I can NOT concentrate and I suddenly feel so negative that I feel like nothing will change how bad I'm doing. I SUCK!!!! I need some kind of stress reliever. A massage or a new brain might help.
oooooh dear, you really do need a massage :)
ReplyDeleteself portrait, just pretend it's not you. that usually makes it easier. puts you back into a 3rd person narrative while you draw and are less self-conscious.
also, watching for your personal improvements throughout the courses you take can help ease the need to do well on every paper and test/assignment/etc. trust me, it's way to easy to let a number grade tell us how good we should feel about ourselves. (ehM... i really hope that advice doesn't sounds too counsellor-ish...... :((( lol.... just tryin to help a sista out
You'll do well, don't be mad at things that come from you =)